Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts

I have never had a conflict with my parents until quite recently. I had asked their permission to do something, but they rejected my request. As a ‘grown’ adult, I became upset with them because I requested their permission to do something I believe is (not only was) correct.

It began with me sending a well-crafted SMS to both my parents to request their permission to do something. The first reply was a casual one stating that I was not allowed to do what I wanted to. I chose not to reply. The next SMS that came from them was a convincing one stating the reasons why they feel I should not do what I wanted to. It was this second SMS that made me very disappointed. I decided I would not reply because I might get rude, and because I did not know what to say to convince them. Hence, I did not reply to any further SMS that were sent to me.

I chose not to reply to the point I began ignoring and avoiding them.          

Which is worse - silence or a rude response?                  

The tension between us escalated till my mother could not take it any further, and vented her frustration on me. Things actually got better when we talked to one another face to face.

Reflecting on the situation, it dawned upon me that silence is a very powerful tool of communication. Silence is actually dangerous in times of conflict. When one or both parties involved in a conflict chooses to remain silent, the other party can interpret this silence in many ways. These interpretations are often negative because of the tension between them, and this only worsens the situation.

Now I feel that instead of getting upset with the rejection for a long time, I should have kept my emotions aside and thought of a rebuttal for each reason they had for rejecting my request. Perhaps, I could have gotten what I asked for. Alas, I am still waiting.

In conclusion, I feel that in situations of conflict, parties involved should separate themselves until they calm down before coming together to discuss a solution for their problems. It is crucial to note that the best way out of conflicts is to speak non-hurtful words with a calm mind. Speaking whilst one is angry and remaining silent will only worsen the situation. It is only good to speak without the emotions running high.
With that, I leave you with a quote to ponder over.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger."

-          Narrated Abu Huraira, r.a

Shameem Khan